Thursday, August 26, 2010

Anti-Christ seeking virtual personal assistant

OK, so those of you who follow my blog regularly know that in early August, I got slammed with a curve ball right outta of left field: my dayjob position (along with those uber-important extras like health insurance) was eliminated.

So I joined the ten percent of the Georgia population looking for work. It has been, to say the least of it, an eye-opening experience.

A friend of mine reminded me not to forget the telecommute option and to search Craigslist in major cities for jobs that I might be qualified for that allow telecommuting. Off I went to Craigslist.

Since my strengths are in writing and in marketing and PR, I looked there first. Boy, did they leave more than my ears pink!

I had no idea ANYBODY was looking, for instance, for a sex-toy blogger. I mean, come on. How do you blog about, erm, sex toys, without blogging about ... oh, man. I'm reaching for anything to fan myself with. Shoot, I suspect in some southern states, sex toys are still illegal.

Plus, almost every major city has a few "customer service rep" positions listed for telephone call centers and chat rooms with really suspicious-sounding names, listings that brag how "the right person" can make a quick thousand bucks a week. 'Scuse me, but even my MacBook is blushing at the thought of what "the right person" might be saying or typing.

(Insert more fanning now.)

And then there are the ones that pretend to be legit, but if you look at them with even one eye open, they make you worry for the impressionable young people out there. For instance, a hip-hop independent label was advertising for a marketing PR person -- and the pay? That would be T-shirts and the chance to hang around with Hip-Hop stars. Uh, yeah. That'll pay the electric bill.

Plus, there are the truly outlandish ones, such as one that said, "The Anti-Christ really needs your help!" I mean, gracious, I'm a motivated job hunter, but a Faustian bargain so soon? Get thee behind me, Satan!

Craigslist has a bounty of contract work, and some of them just make me laugh. For instance, today on Craigslist I found a perfectly WONDERFUL opportunity: Personal Appearance Booker sought for Nat'l Media Personality & Author.

It's a commission-only position, but they're quick to point out that it has the potential of unlimited reward. Uh, right. I'm an author, and I do my OWN personal appearance bookings, because I know exactly how lucrative those book signings really are.

To be fair, I've found a few seemingly legit opportunities for uptight prim and proper types like myself, and I've applied for them. But, uh, the sex toy blogger? And the Anti-Christ's virtual personal assistant? If you want 'em, they're ALL yours.


Jessica Lemmon said...

Ahh, Craigslist. Your post reminds me, if ever I lack Blog-fodder, I'm going there first.

Thanks for sharing! "Get thee behind me Satan!" HA HA HA! Now, THAT cracked me up.

Sex Shop Canada said...

Sex Toy Blogger would be an emberassing job for most people...especially if you have already used your real picture on your blog...!

However ...people may be more interested to read what you think on them because you aren't overly interested in them in the first place... and you already have your topic for your first two articles... how does one blog about sex toys when they can't even say the word sex... and then there is in what states are sex toys and or adult videos still illegal!

Kelly Breakey said...

I love that fact that you got schooled by Sex Shop Canada. I am seriously laughing over here. Normally I don't read the comments but that one just jumped out at me. As if the whole point of your blog today was about sex toys. This started my day off right. Thanks for that.

Patty Blount said...

Sex toy blogger. Um. Wow. Could I get that number? NO! I DID NOT JUST ASK THAT. BAD PATTY. But really, could I?

No, no, no. Well. Wait. Maybe.

abby mumford said...

craigslist is a HUGE source, which can be both good and bad. some of the bad you've listed here and yet, it's also good in that it's making you laugh.

laughter is important in the time of job hunting. it's an arduous process and it often tries to take your wits from you. don't let it!

we're here to catch your wits and feed you grits. promise.

Stephanie McGee said...

Good luck with the job hunt!

Tawna Fenske said...

Oh, I'm all over that sex toy blogger job. Send me the link! :)


Elizabeth Ryann said...

I'm not convinced that Tawna's blog today WASN'T an interview for your sex toy blogger job, Cynthia.

Thanks for sharing the giggles. I always enjoy how far people are willing to stretch reality on Craigslist.

Cynthia Reese said...

Lemmony, I can assure you, you'd need wading boots up to mid-thigh to crawl through all the fodder that Craigslist could provide!

Sex Shop Canada, the thing is, how would I EVER face the ladies at the First Baptist Church? Nope, the more I think about it, the more I know that sex-toy-blogging just isn't the right career path for me.

Kelly, it cracked me up, too! Amazing! Me, Mrs. Prim Uptight, getting a comment from Sex Shop Canada!

Patty, I'll let you and Tawna Fenske and Linda Grimes fight over the sex-toy blogger job. Loser gets a chance at that grand a week on those chat rooms. ;-)

Abby, I'm definitely taking you up on the grits offer, especially if it extends to scraping out the grits pot!

Stephanie, thanks!

Tawna, see my mention about you to Patty above. I'm tossing the link to y'all like a wedding bouquet -- Who will win?!

Elizabeth, I do believe that stretching on Craigslist is a requirement for postings!