Friday, March 19, 2010


Sorry that the blog went dark yesterday. The morning started out all wrong, the day proceded unwaveringly in that direction, and it ended with me being eternally grateful that when I lay down last night, the bed did not fall under me.

Part of yesterday's doom and gloom was the news that I was to be interviewed on TV for part of my day-job.

(Brief pause while I tend to the hives I broke out in upon hearing such news.)

I do not like cameras, at least not being on the lens side of a camera. Not film cameras. Not Polaroid cameras. Not digital cameras. Not cell phone cameras. And most definitely NOT video cameras.

Some people, it can be said, perform flawlessly in such situations. They sound intelligent, as though they have a brain. They sound like the guy on the six-o'clock news.

I am not some people.

On the TV performance scale, where you have an Emmy-award-winning star on one end while on the other, a hick witness to a tornado, I fall most definitely toward the hick witness end of the spectrum. Oh, yeah, put a microphone and a camera in front of me after a tornado touches down, and my first instinct is to prattle, "It went off like a bomb, it did. Just outta nowhere, and there goes Aunt Mabel's washing machine and her nighties, too, off in the clear, blue sky."

Which is not to say that I have not worked hard to overcome such propensities. Unfortunately, every single blasted one of my day jobs have, at one time or another, forced me in front of a camera. I have learned to talk more like the six-o'clock news guy and less like the hick witness he's interviewing.

The camera guy always says, "Just act natural, and you'll do fine."

Trust me. The LAST thing he wants is me "acting natural."

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