Monday, April 05, 2010
Warning from Easter Bunny Central
Oh, yeah. After this week, I was SO expecting this one to hit my in-box. If I had any illusions about being a good mother, this put the nail in that coffin.
To: Cynthia Reese
From: Easter Bunny Central
Date: April 4, 2010
It has come to the attention of CEO Peter Cottontail that you have informed your daughter that The Easter Bunny was not real. It has further come to the attention of Mr. Cottontail that you conveyed this information in a less than sensitive manner and that you did not realize the depth of your daughter's belief in The Easter Bunny, thus causing deep and possibly irreparable harm to said child.
Your daughter is to be commended for her unwavering belief and the fact that she was willing to still put a note under her pillow well before the Friday midnight deadline, asking The Easter Bunny to bring her a present. Her selfless nature (unlike her maternal influence) is also to be noted, as she furthermore demonstrated such thoughtfulness by asking for presents for her father, her godfather and her, ahem, non-believing mother.
You will have noted that she indeed did receive her requests, even the chocolate bunny for her, ahem, non-believing mother. Mr. Cottontail wishes to inform you that this was a special circumstance. You are hereby on The Easter Bunny's Naughty List (yes, Easter Bunny Central has one of those, too. In fact, we had one before our round-roly-poly cousin to the North did. It's just not as well known.)
We understand, somewhat, that you never taught your child about the Easter Bunny because you wanted the focus to be on Christ. But Easter Bunny Central is not in competition with Jesus, regardless of what mass merchandisers may think. (We can't help how they've somehow hijacked our original message. It's got something to do with how our cute fluffiness performed in focus groups.)
We instead offer our aforementioned cute fluffiness to help young children get through that awkward time before they understand that all the talk about blood and empty graves and crucifixions and sacrificed lambs is actually happy talk. For instance, your own daughter has a particularly deep phobia about blood and covers her ears at the mention of "the shed blood of Christ." It is our job to help with the transition. You keep telling her about Jesus, and we'll help her via our cute fluffiness.
But remember. Don't ask for anything, I mean anything, next Easter. Because you are on our Naughty List.
Director of Security/Naughty List Coordinator
Special assistant to CEO Peter Cottontail